Two Parallel Lines: A Story of God’s Faithfulness
This week’s post comes from a dear friend and sister of mine, Katie Macy. She shares her story of how seeing two little parallel lines added up to be a beautiful story of God’s faithfulness and a story in which God further refined her through surrender. If you are trusting God for provision of some sort–be it a job, spouse, child or something else–I pray this story will leave you feeling encouraged in your own walk with God…
I wanted to have a baby for some time…John too. After being married for nearly four years, we both felt ready. I hadn’t been very vocal about this desire with lots of people. Few knew, but I am sure my heart and longings became transparent over time to friends and family.
I cried out to God often about this, but then was so baffled at why I wanted a baby so badly. All the work, the sleeplessness, the sacrifices of myself and selfishness dying. Part of me didn’t want a baby, but I couldn’t shake this desire for children. In my heart of hearts, despite the sacrifice, I knew I wanted be a mother and I knew John was called to be a father.
The timing was always wrong for a while. I had grad school, health issues, a family trip to Jamaica, a friend’s wedding, and the list goes on. But there was a moment after all these events in which I remember saying to myself, “Ok, it’s time to have a baby.” It was on my agenda and to me the timing seemed just right. It was July and this marked the beginning of trying to get pregnant.
I like to get my way, and it doesn’t die easily. I carefully planned for the days I was ovulating, believing I could somehow force this whole baby thing into existence.
Then one night at my ladies group, it was my turn to share my testimony. My sisters and friends prayed over me when it was done, and spoke some things to me about having a baby, “Maybe it’s just not God’s time right now.” It was hard for me to hear. But the truth felt uncomfortably refreshing and surrender seemed almost a timely relief. God used their words to cause my heart to surrender my desire to have a baby. Not that the desire itself would disappear or go away. But I was handing over the desire to control everything on my own terms. I gave it all to Him.
That night I went home and knew I wasn’t pregnant this go around due to my menstruation. But for the first time in a long time, I had such peace because I had truly ‘let it go’ and it felt good. I decided to live and be happy and content with my life, not wasting time trying to plan things my way. God was teaching me mighty things and preparing me for so much. For example, God was refining my relationship with my husband, softening my need to control and have everything just so. He was also teaching my husband to step up as a man and leader, and for me to move out of the way to let God work in him.
Weeks continued and there would be longings for children that would arise in me. But instead of letting worry or fear come over me, I would simply tell God. I would breathe these desires to Him and then go on with my day. It was a refining process because I was dying to myself, and placing myself in God. My life is not my own.
The fruits of placing my desires in God’s hands were beginning to grow in the daily affairs of my life. I began to seek God, not only on the basis of what I needed, wanted or what I could ‘get’ from Him, but solely for who He was. I was learning the essence of what it meant to ‘delight’ myself in the Lord (Psalm 37:4) and he was reforming and reshaping my desires to be in line with His. It was a beautiful exchange that was taking place in my heart, bringing much peace, joy and patience.
November had come (several months after we had starting trying for a baby) but I was okay with that. I felt I had gained a heart level understanding and acceptance that He was in control of it all. I had a deeper understanding of His love for me and my loved ones. When I didn’t understand something, or wondered where He was in a circumstance, I could remember that He is GOD and His ways our not like ours, nor His thoughts our thoughts. I could trust in Him BEING GOD, and me resting in the belief that HE IS GOOD, kind, safe, and big enough for it all. Ultimate surrender was setting off a new level of faith in my heart, more than words on this page can describe.
But the story doesn’t end there.
At my women’s Bible Study Group that first week of November, we were praying for our husbands. It was my turn and all the girls were praying for John and some were around me laying hands on me. Then one of the girls prayed something like this:
“Just like Hanna in the Old Testament prayed and cried out to God to give her a child because she was barren, and the Lord said to her, Go, your prayers have already been answered.” (And later she birthed her son Samuel that she gave back to the Lord.)
My spirit quickened in response to this prayer. I didn’t even know why at the time, but somehow I knew God was speaking to me through this, though it was not yet clear what. All I knew was that I could trust that He heard my longings for a child. And that it would come.
That same week, I had a dream. In the dream, I took 3 pregnancy tests and I could feel the delight and joy of what it felt like to see an indication. It was such a lovely feeling and felt so real that in the dream, I did 3 pregnancy tests only to watch the + sign come up a few more times! I felt God say to me in this dream:
“See, my faithfulness proves to be consistent and true 3 times over…”
I thought it was a cool dream and was excited, but went on with my week. I had just finished menstruating a few days prior so was going to figure out my ovulation days again for the month of November. John and I had prayed about it and were going to start ‘trying’ again.
It was strange though because I was experiencing unusual soreness and body pains (in places I normally don’t). Hmmm, could I pregnant? I thought. No…there’s no way. And I brushed it off as wishful thinking.
But as the abnormal symptoms persisted, I decided to go to Walmart and buy a pregnancy test kit. I picked one that said “2 pregnancy tests.” The possibility of being pregnant was nearly impossible, but I thought, What the heck, I will just see.
It wasn’t until I got home and took out the box that I realized the box in one area had “2” crossed out and there was a big 3 in its place. I had totally missed that detail at the store. This heightened my senses as I remembered the dream I had a few nights prior. There were 3 tests in the dream. Alone in the bathroom, I whispered, “What are you up to God?”
After following the directions on the back of the box, I watched before my eyes as double lines appeared. I was shocked! I laughed and cried at the same time. And to top things off, the time on the clock in that moment I found out was 3:33pm–the numbers which correspond to my life verse in Jeremiah 33:3, “Call to me and I will tell you great and unsearchable things you could never figure out on your own.”
On November 5th, 2010 God answered my desire for a child. And it was without a doubt above and beyond what I could have figured out on my own.
Surrendering the thing that was closest to my heart wasn’t an easy thing to do. But it wasn’t until I was willing to let go and move myself out of the way, that I got to experience a firsthand display of God’s awesome faithfulness in my life.
He’s longing to do the same in yours.
(Katie’s tummy is growing bigger and bigger by the day as she nears her due date in July. She and John will be having a beautiful baby girl named Elane Campbell Macy. Please keep them in your prayers as they prepare to be new parents. And pray for the remainder of the pregnancy to go smoothly, carrying a healthy baby to full term. Thank you!)