DEAR ALI: “What are some Principles for Godly Dating?”

Last week, we talked about how there is no black and white formula laid out in the Bible on how to date in a way that honors God in the process. But, there are some distinctive principles from God’s Word, which we can apply to our dating lives, should He lead us in that direction. This week’s principle out of the 10-part series is:

Godly Dating Principle #2: Fear Not Rejection.

“There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.” ~1 John 4:18

What keeps many from even pursuing relationships is fear of being rejected. I am pretty much speaking to the men here because I am of the belief that it is men who should be the ones initiating. Proverbs 18:22 says, “He who finds a wife, finds what is good and receives favor from the LORD.”

There is risk involved in ‘finding’ a person to date, but when our identity is firmly rooted in the Lord and we have fully put our trust in His plans, there should be no reason to fear! If a woman turns you down, it will inevitably hurt a bit. That’s to be expected. But you can trust that she wasn’t the one God has for you and start praying for the next opportunity!

And real quick men, here is a little secret: WOMEN LOVE TO BE PURSUED. No matter what we say, it’s true…we do!

Rejection can be felt on the female side as well. There are times in a dating relationship when, after a few dates, the guy will no longer want to pursue the relationship further. I recently experienced such a situation and well, I am not going to lie and say it didn’t hurt. It did. Rejection, so matter how major or minor, is never a pleasant feeling! But, when our identity is rooted–really rooted–in God, we have only reason to rejoice when God closes a door on a romantic prospect. It is simply God’s way of saying, “This is not my best for you, and you were not my best for him…just yet.” And we simply have to trust Him on this. It may suck the wind out of our sails for a few days (or more), but that’s okay. It is but a reflection of the raw and mysterious beauty of the human experience. Soon enough, God’s Spirit will breathe the wind back into our sails once again, steering us in a new direction.

Are you facing the sting of rejection? Just remember the song, “I get knocked down, but I get up again…you’re never gonna keep me down!” Oddly enough, it was these very lyrics that helped me pick my temporarily wounded heart off the ground and approach rejection with a bit of humor. Yes, we may get knocked down, but We WILL get up again because with God, nothing can ever keep us down!

However, we must beware, because it is in these times when the enemy tries to weasel his way into our souls, whispering lies like, You’re not good enough… You’re not worthy of love… You’ll be alone forever. But don’t believe any of it for one second. I repeat: don’t believe ANY of it for one second! Instead, let these words of Truth from the Apostle Paul sink into your soul, “…we are more than conquerors through him who loved us” (Romans 8:37). And how about these from Jesus Himself, “In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world” (John 16:33).

No matter who we are, we will face trouble from time to time. And when we take the risk of putting our hearts out there, we will experience some momentary boo-boos every now and then. But we can rest assured that God will always provide us with the strength, hope and confidence we need to bounce back from rejection and keep moving forward with JOY on our journey of faith in Him. See, rejection isn’t so bad after all. 😉

Share your thoughts on this faith-based principle of dating. And don’t forget to check back next week for Godly Dating Principle #3: Be Equally Yoked.

With Love,

Ali

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6 Comments on “DEAR ALI: “What are some Principles for Godly Dating?”

  1. This is so right on time. I’ve recenlty started dating someone and every now and then I begin to have thoughts of being “rejected” in a week or in a few months. Everything is going good so far but you never know what can happen down the road and I’ve been having fear of that.

    Last night I prayed to God to help me love without fear…help me enter into a relationship without feeling on guard all the time. This post definitely reminded me of Gods word in 1 John 4:18.

    Thanks Ali!

    Melissa

    • Hi Melissa,

      Thanks so much for sharing your experience with this new relationship. I can totally relate to the whole fear thing. I went on some dates with a person a few months ago for the first time in a long time, and I too was fearful of letting my heart out! It is a scary and vulnerable place, but we must trust that God will help us guard our hearts in the process of getting to know someone new, and not trying to guard it ourselves. That is just another form of control really.

      I’ll be praying for you, that you may explore this new relationship without fear…enjoy it and keep me posted on how things evolve!

      Love,

      Ali

    • Thanks for sharing Melissa. That fear is totally normal, but not something we have to live with. Just continue to keep close to God and pray forth His truth until the fear leaves in Jesus name!

      Bless You,

      Ali

  2. Last night I texted my friend, “I think I let every instance of ‘rejection’ define me. It’s like I wear ‘rejected’ as a name tag”. That text really opened my own eyes to how I really feel about rejection, real or presumed, in my life. As much has I hate feeling rejected, God has really taught me to look to Him and His truth during those moments. I’m not saying I immediately felt better about myself last night, but I let Him work in those lonely places…Thanks Ali, for a great post!

    • Hi Jennifer,

      Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I can totally relate! I am so encouraged that you are beginning to see as God sees and allowing Him to work on your heart, even in difficult moments of rejection. Keep going and keep growing sis!

      Love,

      Ali

    • Wow Jennifer I love hearing how you are seeing God work even in your difficult moments of feeling lonely and rejected. I can totally relate. Keep going and keep growing into the woman He has called you to be sis! Thanks for sharing. 🙂

      Love,

      Ali

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